you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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