At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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