Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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