wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
