I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
