So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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