I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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