Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
