it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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