I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
