I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
