DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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