She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
