I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We left an ass print on the piano.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
