Already got asked if we're dating
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
