Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wish i was in the wii world.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
