She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
