i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
