'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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