Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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