On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm both gender and math confused
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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