dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
