you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
