What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
