It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
