she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
