you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
