i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
