Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
