Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
