I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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