SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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