so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
When are your genitals available?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
