How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
