I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
