$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
