Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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