whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
