I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
