i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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