He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
