you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
