That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
