I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
