First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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