I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
