you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
mondays should just be called national damage control day
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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