Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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