yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I AM VODKA MAN
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
