Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
