I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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